Letting Go
by SPNxBookworm
Summary: Sam is leaving for college soon. Dean is heart broken. John kicks Sam out. The situation unfolds. Dean has to learn to let go of Sam. All in Dean's P.O.V. Enjoy! :D


**A/N : Hey everyone. First off, Chapter 5 of "The Winchester Faith" is officially up. I think the site is having problems uploading our content onto the site. I had emailed the support team of fanfiction and I got a message saying to wait for a couple of hours to let the backlogged data be updated. So technically, the site is a bit slower as per my understanding. Also, a lot of my fellow writers too have been facing this problem, as I heard from them. Hopefully the problem gets resolved soon. **

**Anyway, this is just a one-shot, mostly in Dean's P.O.V. I always wondered how Dean felt as he saw Sam leave. So here is my take. :) Hope you all like it. And I do hope I don't face any issues in getting this up onto the site. Also, first time writing in first person. Hope it's what you guys expect.**

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It is only a matter of a few months before Sammy leaves. I'm going crazy. How am I supposed to stop a brother from leaving and support a stubborn revenge crazy Dad from kicking him out? I just hope the moment gets delayed is all. It's already annoying and frustrating as hell watching them bicker and almost literally tear each other's hair out before I manage to step in tell them to stow their crap!

I see Sam doing all he can to make this easier. I only keep hoping that his applications get rejected. Is that too selfish? Maybe. But what am I supposed to do? I can't just let my family fall apart. I can't let _us _fall apart.

I've been watching Sam for two weeks now, dangerously sneaking applications right under Dad's nose. Though he may not notice, but I saved his ass a couple of times as I could sense Dad thinking something was going on. Sam owes me. He can't just leave! Can he?

Ever since Sam found out about Dad's journal and the _real _world, he tried to make up for it. I just wish he would have stopped asking questions. Being the snot-nosed nosy little brat, adorable brat though, he managed to find out anyway. Hell, he does 99 percent of the research during all our hunting trips. It takes me and Dad twice as long to solve the case without him.

Sam astonishingly manages to keep up his grades, no matter how many times we move around, as Dad catches a hunt or a scent of the bitch that killed Mom. He still manages to help out in the various hunts. He's saved our asses a ton of times. Not that it means anything to Dad. For some reason, Dad always blames Sam for anything going wrong on a hunt. No matter what. It's unfair. But somehow, I am never able to defend him. It tears me apart sometimes, seeing the hurt on his face.

Sam, he can stand up to Dad. He has the guts to question a plan or a theory on a hunt. Sure, he receives an earful from Dad but he still stays by his decision. Me on the other hand can insult my Dad all I want, _in my head_. For some reason, I'm like a loyal soldier. I can never say anything out loud to him. I can never contradict him. I trust him. Is that too bad?

Oh God! What am I going to do? Whose side should I take? Help me.

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I hear Sam close the door behind him as he enters our motel room. I'm sitting on the table, cleaning out our weapons. It's great if you want something to occupy yourself by when your head is swarming with all sorts of nightmares and crap.

"Um..Dean?" calls Sam. He seems hesitant. He looks around the room. I can tell he is relieved by the fact that Dad is not here.

"Yeah Sam?"

"I got…I got a reply to an application." Sam was beaming with happiness.

I try to put on an excited expression. Apparently it works.

"Really?! How is it? Did you get accepted?" I ask, faking all the enthusiasm. Well, part of it. I'm happy for Sam. He has waited and worked hard for this all these 18 years.

"I got it! I'm officially a freshman of Stanford University!" replied Sam glowing with pride and happiness.

"Wow Sam! That's great!" I give my brother a hug and freeze. Dad is standing at the door and by the look of his face, he heard every word.

Sam turns around, sees Dad and goes pale. But he stands his ground. I feel a swell of respect and pride for the kid. No one messes with Dad when he is in a temper. No one. Except Sam of, course.

"What did you say Sam?" asked Dad. I could not make out any emotion on his face. Sam couldn't have picked a worse day to break the news. Today was the day Mom had died.

"You heard what I said. I got accepted at Stanford University."

"You are not going."

"Who says I'm not?!" retorted Sam, clearly past his limit of tolerance.

"I DO!" yells Dad.

Oh no. Stop fighting guys.

"You know Dad. I tried alright! I tried all these years to make you happy! I fucking tried! But you don't seem to get it do you?! I don't want to hunt. I never did! You dragged me into this. I know you want to find Mom's killer. I never even knew Mom, Dad!..."

Sam no. Stop talking. Dad will flip. Stop. I tried to touch him. To give him a warning glance. But he shrugged my arm off and ranted on. I knew he had kept this bottled up for years.

"…All you think about is the goddamn demon and your revenge crusade! Do you think Mom would've wanted this?! I'm not about to jump off a freakin' cliff. I'm going to college and you can't stop me!"

Dad exploded.

"Fine! I've tried so hard to ground you. Look at Dean! He is-"

"I'M NOT DEAN! I'M NOT THE SON YOU WANTED. I'M A FAILURE TO YOU AREN'T I? THAT'S ALL YOU SAID TO ME. THAT'S ALL YOU EVER MADE ME REALISE DAD. I'M NOT DEAN! I'M NOT YOUR PRECIOUS SOLDIER WHO WILL FOLLOW ALL YOUR GODDAMN ORDERS." Bellowed Sam.

Oh Sam. You're not a failure. You never were.

Dad was standing dumbfounded, still by the door. His face was blank. Sam picked up his bags, which he had kept packed for days. He headed towards the door.

"Sam wait-"

"Dean, quiet. Sam, I'll tell you one thing. You walk out that door, don't bother coming back."

Sam gave Dad one cold look and slammed the door behind him. Dad stood there for a few seconds then made his way to the bathroom. I, on the other hand, ran out the door. Sam couldn't just leave.

"What?!" yelled Sam. He stopped short when he saw me.

"Sam-"

"Dean. Please just don't. Don't stop me. You know I never wanted this life. I'm…"

"You're not me. I get it Sam. It doesn't have to be this way. We can figure something out."

"Like what Dean? Dad is never going to understand…"

"Don't be too harsh on him. He's gone through-"

"How can you still take sides on this, Dean!? I know he has gone through crap. I know he wants revenge. I know _you_ want revenge. But you always supported me. He hasn't given me an ounce of any sort of support or encouragement Dean. It was all you."

"I know Sam. Fine. He's an ass okay? But he is still our Father. I know you never knew Mom. But Sam please." I begged. "Don't do this to _me._"

I could see Sam hesitating. This just might work.

"Please Dean. Don't…..don't make me choose. I'm sorry Dean, this is hurting me too but, I can't. I can't do this anymore."

"Alright Sam."

"Thanks Dean."

Awkward moment. What were you supposed to say now?

"Well, do you want a lift to the airport or something?"

"Um…No thanks Dean. I'll take a bus. You take care alright?"

"Okay. I will. You take care too. Just, try and keep in touch will you?"

"Sure Dean." I could see he didn't mean it much. But I hoped he would call at least once in a while.

And I watched as he walked away towards the bus stop. My Sammy was finally free. It was hard letting go. But maybe it was for the best. I clutched the amulet he had given me on Christmas a long time ago and for the first time in a long time I prayed.

_Keep him safe. Please God, keep him safe._

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**So? How was it? I now see that Dean is a very very difficult character to write as a first person basis. Hope it was good enough for you guys! Review and let me know! :D Any issues viewing this, message me. I'm working on chapter 6 of "The Winchester Faith." Hopefully it will be up soon too. :) Leave tons of reviews guys! :D **


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